My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize