tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
