she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
