clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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