I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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