he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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