Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
just tell him i said nine months
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
