When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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