nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
