I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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