I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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