just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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