I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How naked do you want me to be?
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