Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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