We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
