You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
