Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she told me i tasted like america
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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