the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
