There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We had sex on a dog bed..
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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