Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
