watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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