Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
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Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
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I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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