I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
