Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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