I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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