I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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