I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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