White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
