a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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