My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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