If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
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I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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