I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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