I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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