He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
