just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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