last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
