totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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