rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
