There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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