There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well most of my day revolves around power hour
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Randomize