What did we do last night that was yellow?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Randomize
