Don't you send me to vm
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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