and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
