Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
