I'm jealous of your bromance
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
