the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
