and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
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Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
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Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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