It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
