Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
