EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
