my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
