I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
