Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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