Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
