It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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