And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
