Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
