i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
