: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
