i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
