i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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