Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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