ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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