I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
