There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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