I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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