I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
