i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Green mimosas i think yes
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
